Slartboz: Bonk and The Beast

Bonk is not good with gurls.

He is not good at very much, at all.

Well, he has a knack for making projectile vomit, on demand. And a talent for stuffing obscene quantities of Edible Fuds and Tasty Bevs down his guzzle. And achieving entirely new realms of strange body odors with the assistance of his admittedly rarely washed clothes

He has a Gud Heart. Which is important -- especially later in life. And an awkward but wonderful Top Private Sekret that would do him credit if more knew about it.

One of the things Bonk is good at, however, is beyond all doubt or debate. Something that he is really, really and incredibly super good at doing.

There is an old, old so-called "arcade" game he loves to play, one from the 1980's AD era in the good ole USA. From back before the entire Urth went to shit in a shopping basket.

"Centapod Rampage" was its name.

Bonk is a rock star at it.

Highest scores ever known, like in the entire world, and forever and for all time -- well, as of the time of this little wannabe history author's writing anyway. During his play of it every flick of the wrist was a kind of perfect poetry in motion.

It is soooo engaging the boy's mind retreats (or perhaps ascends?) to an absolute perfect place reachable only by those under the influence of both a mastered passion and an otherwordly if not utterly divine sense of timing and precision, if not some mystical future-shaping prescience.

And Bonk's mastery within this sphere will in fact come in handy one day. It will become absolutely critical on one long and otherwise dreadful day. A most terrible day and night. For the fellow residents of his hometown of Pell.

For the Centapod turns out to be REAL.

So very real! Strangely enough.

A real monster that has somehow gotten loose now in Normerika 2100 CE. In the form of a giant mutant insect of an obscene scale. Clearly a carnivorous hunger to match. And a viscious unrelenting cunning. In a past age it might have been an ordinary centipede but something Went Horribly Wrong -- as it had for so much of the rest of human civilization in general and American society in particular.

And one of these monsters WILL attack Pell.

And *only* Bonk will have the skills and preparation, indeed the confidence needed, to defeat this mighty, alien monster.

. . .

We'll skip forward over all the admittedly Grand Dramatic and Hero Myth Making but messy details and reveal that, yes, Bonk *will* go on to Defeat The Monster. And save Abro and Fern and all his other frens lives -- indeed all of Pell. Though at a terrible cost. One that... well, it changes him, forever afterward.

And all his true and loyal Frens from that time would recognize that there would always be two *distinct* versions of Bonk in their memories, even as they each succumbed to Time and became much older men, many decades later and by then living in a much different world -- a Normerika transformed perhaps some tangible measure closer towards that ideal original Utopia upon which its founders had once dreamed.

Even as his Frens had all become "old" men who, by then, were only Looking Back anymore -- no longer forward -- in idle moments. Reminiscing on their time together, growing up in Pell and having so many shared adventures,  in their dorky club, The Lazer Lizards.

They all agreed, in private anyway, there was a Before version of Bonk... and the one from After.

The second one could never have existed without the other. And also, that despite all the boy's later great success in life, as a much more mature and sophisticated man of the world, and one who ultimately became more successful in the romantic department, that the young Bonk was *still* there, somewhere, deep down. And yes, he could, still -- but only when it was absolutely critical mind you -- initiate an unexpectedly generous volley of project vomit, and on a moment's demand.

But only if another "old man" Fren of theirs joined in too: Abro.

And the two still did that. For old time's sake. Every once in a while.

At least when Fern and the kids were not around.

Or the grandkids.